Inside My Pants

Walking home last night around 8:30p. Dark, but not quite fully night yet. A crew of men with hard hats and vests had removed a sidewalk grill ahead of me and were dropping a very bright light into the hole. It was an old brick sidewalk and an old access hatch.

I had to walk carefully to get around them. One of them, a big guy, was in the middle of a jovial anecdote.

“Oh yeah. One time I found one inside my pants while I was driving home!”

“In your pants, or your pocket?” said another guy.

“My pants! Right on my leg.”

Laughter all around.

I look down into the hole in the sidewalk as I pass. It was teeming with cockroaches.

Just one bet on tonight’s NCAA Men’s Final: Over 145.

I think Villanova will win, perhaps easily, but +7 seems like a lot of points.

Super Bowl 52

  1. A big bet on the Eagles moneyline at +165.

  2. A parlay on the Eagles to be winning at halftime +2.5 points, and the total halftime score to be under 24.

  3. A bunch of stupid small prop bets. My favorite: Eagles score at least once in every quarter at +300.

The remaining four NFL teams, ranked by order of their uniform designs, from best to worst:

  1. Minnesota Vikings. Classic design, distinctive colors. They should lose the trendy typeface for the jersey numbers, though. Stick with something classy.

  2. New England Patriots.

  3. Philadelphia Eagles. The Eagle’s jerseys look very 90s – the colors, the fonts, the “Eagles” logo. They never should have changed from the classic Gang Green unis.

  4. Jacksonville Jaguars. Terrible colors. Worst helmet design in the history of the league.

Today’s AFC / NFC Championship Picks

PATS -7.5 over Jags (1x bet). Not sure what’s up with Brady’s hand but come on, it’s the Jags.

EAGLES over Vikings +140 money line (2x bet). I think the Eagles have this.

Teaser: PATS -2 and EAGLES +9.5 (1x bet)

Update: Also put down a bet (before the start of either game today) on the Eagles to win the Super Bowl, at +600.


Was just now washing some dishes, and felt my phone going off in my jeans pocket. I ignored it. Whoever it is, it can wait. To hell with being a slave to devices.

Turns out, it wasn’t my phone going off. It was a staccato torrent of water, streaming over the edge of the sink, bouncing off the baking pan I was washing, soaking my right thigh.

My phone wasn’t even in my pocket.

Today's NFL Playoff Picks

2x bet on the EAGLES +3 over Falcons. Fuck this shit where the Eagles are underdogs. I think they’re going to beat the Falcons up.

1x bet on the PATRIOTS -14 over the Titans. I know it’s a ton of points, but (a) it’s the Pats, and (b) the Titans shouldn’t even be in the playoffs.

Today’s NFL playoff picks:

JAGUARS -9 over Bills SAINTS -7 over Panthers

I’ve got them both on a teaser, too.

NFL playoff picks:

Falcons +6 over the RAMS

Deep regret not taking the Titans over the Chiefs earlier. Always bet against Andy Reid in a playoff game.

I needed the Ravens to win by 8, and the won by 7. Fucking Vegas is going to be the death of me.

I still feel good about the Pack, so I’m putting a make-up bet on the Pack +10 at -115.

NFL Week 16: Saturday

One bet today, a teaser:

RAVENS -8 over Colts (line was -14)
PACKERS +15 over Vikings (line was +9)

Both teams are at home. The Ravens are on the cusp of the playoffs and will run it up if they can. The Packers don’t have Rodgers but they’re a proud team playing against a division rival. I don’t think they’ll lay down.