Well, the NFL is still in business, so I’m still watching, and that means betting picks. Please keep in mind that I wagered heavily on the Rams and the Over in the Super Bowl — your best bet, financially, is probably to fade me all season long. Speaking of which, I’m staying the fuck away from all Over/Under bets this season. I mean forget it. It’s like the Over/Under doesn’t even exist to me. Well… get back to me next week. Here are my picks this week, a betting theory I’m calling “Mostly home underdogs and America’s Team”:

DOLPHINS +7 vs. Ravens — Just seems like too many points. ❌

PANTHERS +1.5 vs Rams — After that Super Bowl, fuck the Rams. Honestly I dislike this team more than I dislike the goddamn Patriots. ❌

CARDINALS +3 vs. Lions — Honestly, do people think the Lions are a good team? Am I nuts? (Probably.) I’ve got the Lions at like 6-10 for the season. I’ll take the points here. ✅

COWBOYS -7 vs Giants — Playing the Giants is like a preseason game. Come on. I say Zeke runs for 150 yards and Dak throws for 300. The thing I love about Zeke’s “holdout” is that after he signed on Wednesday, the line didn’t change at all. It it was Dallas -7 before he signed and Dallas -7 after he signed. Which tells me the whole thing was a sham. ✅